morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
