She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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