I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Randomize
