woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
