my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She bit a glass in half.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
