im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
