haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
