Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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