im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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