my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
