It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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