I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
