It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
