In America we eat man semen.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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