someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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