I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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