i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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