I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
