how can u be prego again
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
