I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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