butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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