We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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