You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
