guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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