I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
