you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
