I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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