The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
