Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
