so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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