I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize