and you said cock pushups were impossible
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You dont lie about slip and slides
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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