im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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