Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Life without a bra equals bliss.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
