You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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