I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
