it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
In America we eat man semen.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
