dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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