i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
My life is pants optional.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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