alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I have already put on my inside pants.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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