Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
