Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
