shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
