11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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