he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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