i would punch a child for taco bell
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
