I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
