I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
