I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
