do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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