Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
My first STD was from a foam party
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
