I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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