all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
