New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
