i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
