____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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