Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
