I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
