My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
