Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just sucked dick on a ferry
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
