You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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