no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
