so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
