I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I did not marry a roomba.
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