I cannot find my penis.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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