True but thats because hes a fetus.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
